


Like an Albatross

by Andromakhe



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Forgiveness, Friendship, Gen, Master-Apprentice bond, Mild Jedi Apprentice references, Reunion, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-06
Updated: 2012-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-02 20:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5262164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromakhe/pseuds/Andromakhe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU and OOC after "Clone Wars" canon, but making it fit would break this premise. Cody's life changed after Order 66. Not just his life, but his sense of self as well. He seeks absolution from the one leader who'd treated him as a person. In doing so, he also helps his General to heal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Order 66

**Author's Note:**

> According to 'Clone Wars,' clones did not recall the execution of Order 66. Activating the chips implanted in their brains resulted in them pretty much running on autopilot, the overriding impulse to obey commands and to kill Jedi controlling them. Basically, they ceased to be men with their own individual lives and personality nuances. In that light, Cody’s not really guilty because he honestly had no idea what he was doing and had no real option of disobedience. He also would not be apologizing to Obi-Wan because he wouldn’t remember trying to kill him. In my opinion, canon or not, it’s not a very interesting story. I wrote this before the workings of Order 66 were revealed, and I think it makes for a more satisfying drama this way.

Cody:

As we made ready to attack Timira City, I reflected on my life and very real impending death. I was not nearly as young as I used to be, and in any case, life had long since lost its beauty and flashes of joy. But being a soldier was all I knew, and I no longer had loyalty to the Empire. Not that I ever did, really, but I saw no other viable option at the end of the Clone Wars. After the revolt on Kamino, where we had to kill our brothers, some of us became so disillusioned that we defected. I didn't leave right away, instead biding my time to see how well-trained the Rebel Alliance was. When I was convinced of their stability and discipline, and found that one of their generals was a Jedi, I was decided and resolved to help for as long as I could.

As it happened, death came swiftly. A group of us were caught by an AT-MP. The last thing I clearly remember hearing was the roar of its gun.

As I flew away from the combat, it occurred to me my life as a warrior was finally at an end. I could rest now. I could merge with...What did Obi-Wan call it? The Force. I realized with some amazement that I could sense it now. I never understood quite what he meant by it before, only that it allowed him to do extraordinary things. 

But at the thought of Obi-Wan, I found I could not rest just yet. I had to find him, had to speak to him, had to know what became of him. I tracked him to Tatooine and thought how his dwelling place reminded me of Utapau with its windy canyons and lonely expanses of wilderness. Only Utapau had grassland and here was desert.

I sat at the edge of the canyon above his home and contemplated the man I once called "sir" and General. It seemed the years had not been kind to him, both outwardly and inwardly. True that it had been nearly twenty years since I last saw him, so it would be expected that he would look different, but with senses augmented by the Force, I saw that it wasn't just the harsh climate that made him seem so old. There was a weariness - a sorrow - so familiar and so painful to see in another, especially gentle Kenobi. Because that is the one quality I recall that permeated his dealings with us clones - compassion. He'd told me once that what he called our Force signatures were different, even though we all looked the same to normal eyes. 

When I'd first heard I was to serve under Kenobi, I was thrilled. Knowing him as a person only cemented my respect for him. I could understand completely why he'd risen in the ranks of the Army and his own Jedi Order so quickly. His work was characterized by attention to detail and the drive to do his best.

In combat and on missions, Kenobi was focused, shrewd, and yet did his best to keep unnecessary casualties to a minimum. Though he didn't feel guilty, I know he felt badly about everyone who died under his leadership. He knew death was inevitable, but he'd said it was not the Jedi way to lead people to their doom. But what could he do? He was bound to serve the Republic, just as I was. His battle prowess was such that I was glad I was on his side.

But when we were off duty or training, he was a different person. He was caring, kind, considerate. If we were injured, he would use the Force to help our healing or at least lessen the pain. He used to like to sit in meditation, especially by water or in caves. It seemed to soothe his heart, ease the stress of war, at least for a time. I asked him if he could teach me how. He said he thought so, since meditation is primarily a mental discipline, a means of calming one's mind and emotions. He taught me the basics of the art and led me in sessions. Eventually, I managed to do it on my own, and the ability served me well the rest of my life. It was yet another gift Kenobi left me with, along with my promotion to Commander. He would sometimes train with his lightsaber, moving with grace and speed through maneuvers that seemed standardized. And sometimes, he joined us for meals and trained with us - running, climbing, exercises on bars and rings, target practice with blasters. He never treated us like inferiors because we were not Force-sensitive. All of us respected him, and though we knew of Order 66, we fervently hoped it would never be issued.

Unfortunately, there came the Battle of Utapau. When Kenobi emerged victorious from the fight with Grievous and I returned his lightsaber, I dared to hope we'd won a decisive victory and the Wars would finally end. He rode away on his proud steed and I assumed we were in the clean-up phase of our battle. But then...But then my world came to an abrupt halt. Only for a few seconds, but it was enough. Damn Kenobi for making me love him, and Palpatine for making me kill him.

Remorse and grief tore at my heart, but years of clone training and loyalty to the Republic made it impossible to disobey. The best I could do was to compromise - I had to follow the order, but perhaps I could get away with not doing as thorough a job as I should. I had to do something that would cause a lot of destruction, so that I could not be accused of treason. But maybe, just maybe, General Kenobi would manage to work another miracle and survive.

So I ordered one of my gunners to blast Kenobi, inwardly hoping the shot would miss. We watched him fall as if in slow motion, and once more, I hoped the Force would help him somehow. He could move objects with it - why not himself?

I quickly turned my attention to the urgent task of rounding up the Sepie Council. I didn’t wish to think about what I’d just done to someone I considered a friend and brother, as close as any clone. The sooner we left Utapau, the better.

After that fateful day, nothing was ever the same for me. I was happy I could stay on Kamino and hopefully wouldn't have to kill any more Jedi. I was saddened to hear that the Order was being systematically decimated. But ultimately, I realized that I had been used and betrayed by the people I was trained to serve. And the one person who hadn't been using me had been betrayed by me. And now, here I was.

I floated down closer to Obi-Wan, who sat on his familiar meditation mat, looking up at the sky. I lowered myself to sit near him, close enough to touch. By now, it was night and probably cool, though temperature no longer bothered me. I wondered why he looked so sad. While he did sometimes fall into melancholy when I worked with him, he still knew how to appreciate a joke or make some sarcastic remark that made us laugh. Now, however, it felt as though he was never that person and I was just imagining things.

"Sir?" I called softly.

No answer. Not even a blink or movement. I could sense no thoughts from him, just a combination of pain and resolve, as though he were determined to carry something through, to complete some mission.

He drew his lightsaber and lit it, putting it on low power and staring at the blade. Then his eyes unfocused, but he smiled and deactivated his weapon, replacing it under his robe.

It was then I noticed another Jedi beside Kenobi, one I'd never seen before. He had brown hair and a hand on Kenobi's shoulder, though I think Kenobi didn't feel it because this Jedi was clearly like me, not inside a physical body. This new Jedi said nothing to Kenobi that I could hear, but Kenobi glanced around, as though trying to find something.

The unfamiliar Jedi patted Kenobi's shoulder and nodded to me in greeting. I nodded back. I felt no hostility from him, just a simple neutrality. Kenobi nodded at something the other Jedi said, and the Jedi rose to an intimidating height and motioned to me to follow him. We went back to the top of the canyon where I had been sitting originally. He took a seat at the edge and patted a place next to him. I obediently sat there.

"Hello, Commander," the Jedi spoke quietly, as though purposely trying to put me at ease. "I am Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn. I am familiar with you and your connection to Obi-Wan. But I asked you to come here because he cannot hear you, so if I spoke to you like this, he would get confused or frustrated at hearing only one side of a conversation."

I was immediately curious as to how Obi-Wan could hear this Qui-Gon but not hear me, and why. As though sensing the coming question, he continued.

"It is a complicated story, but the short version is that he and I are Force-sensitive and share a connection on a spiritual level. Thus, I can speak to him telepathically. For you, such a connection was never made, and his awareness at the moment is diminished because of his ties to the physical world. Because you are no longer tied to it, his current Force senses can't pick you up, as he would have done if you were alive." This explanation was a bit confusing, but I thought I understood Qui-Gon's point. He had more to say. He frowned thoughtfully. "Tell me. Do you care for Obi-Wan? It does not seem you wish him harm, but it did not seem like that when you opened fire on him, either."

I blinked, taken aback by the bluntness of the query. However, I realized this Jedi Master was trying to protect my former General from me. It was a fair question. "I..." I paused, wanting to ensure I was being truthful. "I need him to know that I never wanted to carry out his execution. I'm not looking for excuses, but I don't want him to die thinking I got any pleasure out of my betrayal. I was just hoping I could relay the message."

Master Jinn nodded. "Do you know how to meditate, by any chance?"

I began to wonder just how much this Master knew about my former friendship with Kenobi. "Yes," I replied quietly. "He taught me, in fact."

Again, Qui-Gon nodded. "Communication between Force-sensitives in the physical world and Force-blinds in the spiritual world is as yet unknown to me. So I am unsure if this idea will work. But since meditation changes one's consciousness and makes one more aware of the Force and the spiritual, perhaps it will aid perception if both of you meditate. You would be doing it in order to amplify your presence."

"I think I can feel this Force now," I mused aloud. "But I haven't tried to actually manipulate it and General Kenobi said it takes training to do it reliably."

"Hopefully, the meditation itself will be enough and you will not have to attempt something you haven't been trained in. Why don't you prepare and calm yourself? I will go speak to Obi-Wan and inform him of this experiment. I'll call you when we think he might be able to sense you, and if we find it works and you do not need my help, I'll leave you to talk alone. Is this agreeable?"

"I hope it works," I murmured, nodding my assent.

I felt Qui-Gon's presence draw away as I closed my eyes and went still. I didn't move until my mind had achieved a silence so complete that the Force enveloped me and filled my awareness. I reached out experimentally, not daring to open my eyes lest consciousness flood back in and ruin my progress. I felt a presence jerk away, and accompanying emotions of surprise and pain.

I heard Qui-Gon in my mind. "Careful. You just prodded Obi-Wan. Don't move. Let him come to you. In fact, come closer and join us. That is, come down here."

"Um...Sorry, General," I whispered aloud. "It was an accident."

I heard no words, but felt understanding and forgiveness wash over me. I opened my eyes and sat once more where I had been before meeting Qui-Gon. Then I closed them again and took some moments to regain my previous serenity.

"You are clearly quite practiced at this," Qui-Gon commented. Was that pride I heard? He was speaking aloud now, but I didn't dare answer aloud in case I pulled myself out of the meditation again.

I made plenty of use of the technique once I was able to do it alone. But I have never had to speak to anyone while doing it. I directed the thought at Qui-Gon, but felt Obi-Wan's presence also react to the statement.

I felt a gentle touch to my mind, like a tap on a shoulder. "Hello, Cody."

General, I thought, and nodded.

"What do you know?" Qui-Gon said in satisfaction. "It actually worked."

Obi-Wan answered this time. "I thought it might."

"Well, Obi-Wan, call me if one of you needs help. I'll just be, um, bragging to Mace." Qui-Gon gave a wry smile and seem to literally vanish at a speed I had yet to grow accustomed to.

Obi-Wan chuckled softly with a knowing grin. "He means it, you know. He and Mace are actually pretty good friends. They were contemporaries and trained together."

Ah, like Rex and I.

"Yes, precisely. I can sense your presence now, but I think it is only manageable when I'm not distracted by anything else and the Force is all I feel. That kind of complete attunement is easy to achieve for me these days, but if I'm startled into focusing on the physical again, I will lose you until I reestablish the connection. I think you can speak normally and come out of meditation, now that I have a link to you."

I opened my eyes and moved to sit across from him. "General, it's been a while, hasn't it?"

"That's an understatement," Kenobi replied dryly.

"I just had to talk to you before I can merge with the Force."

Obi-Wan nodded acknowledgement and waited.

"It's about Order 66."

Kenobi raised an eyebrow, and then let out a slow, sad sigh. "Never thought I'd hear tell of that again," he murmured forlornly.

"Sir, you have to believe me. I didn't want to do it." I sounded plaintive, even to myself.

Kenobi said nothing, but his eyes reproached me.

"I know," I admitted. "I made the choice to follow the order. But as ridiculous as it sounds, it doesn't mean I didn't care about you. You were the best leader I ever served under, and I always hoped that you survived and that I could apologize one day. It's the only true regret in my life as a clone - betraying you."

Obi-Wan bowed his head. "You know, I lost two friends that day - you and Boga. You remember her? She carried me to General Grievous. I’ve always regretted that she died in my service. Such a noble heart deserved to live. You wouldn't understand, likely, but the Force allowed me to connect with her on a deeper level than most Force-blinds can achieve with animals. As for you, I sometimes wondered how you could betray me, unless perhaps I mistreated you in some way I am not aware of. It is a possibility. I lost my closest allies from the Clone Wars, but then, many Jedi lost their lives, so I suppose I'm fortunate." This last was spoken in a tone of bitter irony, and I found I could relate completely to his feeling.

"The Clone Wars were a kind of golden age, before the blasted Empire took over the military. Order 66 was one of many contingency plans we clones were trained to obey without question, as long as protocol was followed concerning them. It's still not an excuse, because I did have the option of refusing to obey. But I...I couldn't. I wanted to, but I couldn't. Following orders was a habit by that point. I wish I had known then that there are some things more important than loyalty to the Republic. But even that was trained into us since infancy. Please understand. What I did was unconscionable. But I truly have never forgiven myself, and you deserved some kind of explanation."

"Palpatine used you to destroy the Jedi Order because we were a threat to him. Possibly the only threat to him. I am not being arrogant. He was Force-sensitive and so he had to remove those who could wield the same power in a collective effort. The Clone Wars were merely an elaborate plot to further weaken the Jedi from within as we were spread thin across the galaxy. The Jedi and clones both were tricked, and so many lives were lost unnecessarily. And I certainly understand about training being difficult or impossible to refuse. Part of being a good soldier is obedience, and Jedi are trained nearly from infancy, too, so what you say makes complete sense."

"I can't speak for my men, but I certainly appreciated that you would train with us in our drills and eat with us in the mess halls. You never drank alcohol, but you sometimes played games with us, too, or shared stories of your younger Jedi days. We got glimpses into each other's identities as people that way, and you were an honorary clone. You're right to not forgive me, though if it makes you feel better, I cut down my own brothers when Kamino staged a revolt against the Empire for commandeering their planet and cloning facilities. They were young and inexperienced fighters, but they were still my brothers."

"So you mean to say your betrayal was not personal, and I'm supposed to feel better about this? It's not a question of forgiveness, Commander, but ethics. You served the Empire, the very people who betrayed us both. You can't tell me you felt loyalty to them? Maybe not. After all, maybe I never really had your loyalty, either, and if I was betrayed, it's my own fault for being so gullible." Again, the resentful tone, but with my newly acquired Force sensitivity, I perceived that the resentment was masking pain.

I was stung, but I found I could not offer a rebuttal. The General was right. I was a coward and weak, lacking his conviction and idealism. I remained silent, but he must have felt something of me in the Force, because he sighed wearily and shook his head.

"I...That was uncalled for. I apologize. What I said was unbecoming of my status as a Jedi Master and shames my training. After all, you wouldn't be here now if I didn't matter to you. I can forgive you for attempting to kill me. But I'm not sure I can forgive you for obeying the order to do so. And the obedience, strangely enough, is the crux of the matter, I fear."

I bowed my head in resignation. Obi-Wan was right again. I nodded to him and got to my feet, preparing to leave. "I understand. I'd better be on my way, then. Thank you for the promotion to Commander, and for teaching me to meditate. But most of all, thank you for your friendship, for as long as you were willing to give it." 

I felt overwhelming sorrow in the Force, tinged with slight panic. "Wait," Obi-Wan choked out in a whisper. "Don't...Don't join the Force yet. I need time to process what you've said. I can't lose another friend. I just...I can't forgive yet, either."

"Then I'll wait. Maybe I can find some of my men in the Force."

Obi-Wan picked up his mat and folded it up, glancing toward his shelter. "Why don't you come find me in a couple days and we can talk again?"

"Sounds like a plan. Stay safe."

"May the Force be with you." He smiled at that, a familiar, kind one that actually reached his eyes. He disappeared inside and I remained where I was a long time before finally making my way to my own home, Kamino.


	2. Lost and Found

Obi-Wan:

I take shelter from the rapidly cooling temperature outside and try to sift through my conflicting emotions. This entire exile, since the end of the Clone Wars, has been a torment. Inhospitable climate and dangerous natives don't help, either. Sometimes, when periods of despair take control, I even wonder if being a Knight is worth all this. Would I have remained a Jedi if I knew this would be my fate? Probably not, which is likely why I was tricked into service.

Then I wince and laugh mirthlessly. Obviously, it's nothing personal. I wasn't the only one who was tricked, much less by the Force. But I never dreamed that my service as a Knight would comprise training a krayt dragon, a pointless war, and then this emptiness. It isn't that I want more admiration, or even more excitement. I got plenty of that in my young days, and those things made me happy, after a fashion. I'm not going to lie and say such things were not wanted on some level and even appreciated, though the Jedi Code does not recommend becoming a Knight just for those things, and with good reason. Certainly, I was proud of my achievements, and gratified by the recognition others showed me because of my aptitudes and talents. But I can honestly say those things did not drive me. No, I wanted to be a Knight to fight evil and to help those who suffered. If I had a career anyone would be proud of, that is merely a bonus.

But as a Padawan, Qui-Gon and I did things that I expected to do the rest of my life. When our missions succeeded, and most of them did, we came home tired but fulfilled. We survived and did what we lived for. I steadily learned and grew, and I assumed Qui-Gon would Knight me one day, that I'd go on solo missions until I felt comfortable relying on myself, and then I'd train a Padawan or three.

And then, my dreams came to a horrific end when my Master was murdered right in front of me and I was tasked with training a boy who I knew, just knew, was unsuited to the Jedi way. How? How was I to do it, when I hadn't yet built confidence in myself? But Qui-Gon - he had faith in me and in Anakin, and he passed the legacy to me. To this day, I sometimes wonder how Luke will manage to defeat cruel Darth Vader, much less the mighty Sidious. But incredibly, I have seen him grow, seen that he is Anakin's son, yes, but also Padme's, and Padme was a woman of conviction and duty. She could not fight her heart, but I cannot really fault her for that. I've made mistakes that way as well. Like giving Anakin the benefit of the doubt. But Luke takes his obligations seriously and he has Padme's idealistic spirit. And so, I hope for his success. I believe that he is stronger than Anakin. I must believe it, or I will fail in my own mission to be a Master to him as Qui-Gon was to me.

I sigh as hope gives way to resentment and despair. I feel cheated out of a life I should have had, a life that was killed before it even had a chance when my Master was taken from me. No, he was not taken. His presence now is a comfort to me, but as childish as it sounds, I wish I could feel his hand on my shoulder again, or tugging a Padawan braid, or caressing a cheek.

It is easy to blame Anakin or even Qui-Gon because he asked me to train him, but the Clone Wars were not the fault of either of them, and that is really what destroyed my illusions of my future. Qui-Gon's death could have been recovered from in time, and though I anticipate meeting him in the Force with joy, the event itself evokes only an echo of my former grief. It is a memory of the pain. But I dreamed of peace and diplomacy, not war and death. And at the end of it all, my Padawan, despite gentle words before I left for Utapau, shamed me, betrayed me, and broke my heart.

And now Cody has come asking forgiveness for betraying my trust. How can I? I'm not even quite sure I've forgiven Anakin. Cody and Anakin both chose to listen to Sidious' lies and depravity. They chose not to think things through, not to question, not to disobey.

I hear Qui-Gon's gentle rebuke in my mind. "And you chose not to kill Anakin on Mustafar, which could be said to be a lack of forethought."

I growl in annoyance. "You're one to talk. And what are you doing eavesdropping?" 

"It can't be helped, Padawan. You should have closed the bond if you wanted privacy. Besides, I heard my name." That last sentence has a touch of amusement in the voice.

I splutter, and then laugh grudgingly. "That's one for you, Master. If I heard my name, I'd keep listening, too." I smile. "Seems you're the only one who can lighten my heart these days."

"Then there's still hope for you. I'm happy to make it harder for the Dark Side to claim you. That is where your thoughts were heading." His tone is compassionate. He knows all too well what I'm feeling, how hard it can be to keep going, to keep fighting, to keep being a Jedi.

"I'd have given up a long time ago without you. I've lost almost all my friends." I am mournful, desolate.

"I'm just returning the favor, my Padawan." Qui-Gon sounds affectionate, just the tone that tends to sooth my sorrows.

"Master, I can't forgive him. I...don't think he deserves it." I duck my head, knowing that is completely unjustified, but it is the truth of what I feel at this moment.

"Whom do you mean? Cody or Anakin?"

"Both, maybe. I think I understand why both of them did what they did, but that's not the same as forgiving them, and in Anakin's case, he didn't hurt just me. Besides, no matter what rationalization they give, it doesn't make their actions right or excuse them."

"Why don't we leave aside Anakin for the time being? He's a completely different issue, on a far grander scale than Cody, and it isn't like he's come to you begging pardon. I would like to point out that I have made numerous mistakes with you, but I do not feel you blaming me. My mistakes are just as inexcusable as Cody's, and possibly worse, since I broke your heart and killed your dreams."

"Master, when you put it like that, a part of me wonders why I forgave you."

"But the point is you forgave me."

"I...don't hold the mistakes against you, no. But I love you. Forgiveness is a foregone conclusion." I feel a surge of tenderness down our bond. I understand my Master is overcome and I wait for him to speak again. Silence reigns for some minutes before Qui-Gon asks another question.

"Did Cody's betrayal hurt you?"

"I never saw it coming. Boga seemed to know, though. She died for me. Cody and Anakin betrayed me, but she didn't, and I didn't even know her that long."

"I betrayed you as well," Qui-Gon murmurs.

"I misunderstood. You didn't intend to make my recommendation for the Trials seem like a dismissal."

"That does not matter. I hurt you, regardless of what justification you give for my actions."

"Master, I hurt you as well, and the same applies to you concerning excuses."

"So we make excuses for each other. But you cannot muster compassion for Cody?"

"Oh, right. You asked if his betrayal hurt. It did. And he was loyal to Palpatine."

"So was the Jedi Order, in a sense, until we found out the truth. And Cody may never have known the full truth, might still not. Cody was conditioned, possibly on a genetic level, to be susceptible to commands and to put duty first. In fact, that may be why he and you got along so well."

"So you're saying I should commend him for following a command that devastated us, just because it was issued by the book?"

"At any other time, Obi-Wan, you would have expected obedience from your clones and even done the same if a command was issued to you according to procedure."

"Wait...So you mean I'm being hypocritical now? Master, you're not helping."

"No, Obi-Wan. I don't mean to say you're being unfair. I'm just trying to get you to see that Cody did what was fundamentally in his nature. Neither he nor you knew that Palpatine was Sidious at the time of your Commander's betrayal. Everyone thought he was head of the Republic and therefore a legitimate leader. It is your choice to forgive, of course. But I have never known you to condemn someone just for being themselves, along with all the pitfalls being oneself entails. You must decide whether or not you love Cody and want his friendship. Then, I think the rest will come."

It occurs to me this is why we make such a good team. When one of us needs help sorting things out, the other is able to be rational. I think over my past with Cody. Anakin features prominently, but that is inevitable. I ignore him and focus on times that Cody and I were alone or in training or recreational activities. I realize the memories are good ones and that even in war, there were flashes of laughter, moments of triumph, pride in completed missions, and that Jedi training came in very handy alongside Force-blind clones. The end of the Wars still causes pain to think about, but I remember joking with Cody that I would try not to have all the fun and destroy every droid before he got any. I chuckle at the camaraderie and find that I agree with Qui-Gon. Cody could not help following his nature. We do our best to follow good impulses and control bad ones, but failure is common to all of us. I sometimes forget I am not only a Jedi, but a person as well. The Wars made it necessary to retreat behind the mask just to keep sanity sometimes.

"I sense you've come to a favorable decision," Qui-Gon smiles.

"Yes. Thank you for your help. And I'm sorry I was so rude to you earlier."

"Think nothing of it, my little one." I feel his touch against my mind, as close as he can get to a caress, and I almost feel like crying. "Soon, little one. Soon, you can rest."

I start as I interpret his words, and nod grimly. "Then I should make sure I remember your training. Only one chance at it."

"I believe in you. I always have."

I stretch out a hand in front of me, as though expecting Qui-Gon to be there, then lower it again. But knowing the end is in sight gives me new resolve. I will be vigilant against the Dark and do my best with Luke. The rest is up to the Force.


	3. Atonement

Cody:

This time, when I approached Kenobi, he nodded in acknowledgement. I guess he was expecting me.

"So, did you manage to find Waxer, Boil, Rex, or any of the others?"

"I did meet up with Rex, but he's the only one. I think only the more independent clones kept consciousness for any amount of time, but it's been so long since the Wars that most of my men appear to have merged with the Force already."

Obi-Wan nodded sympathetically. "It is disconcerting to think I may be in for the same lack of friends when I join you in the Force, but at least Qui-Gon will be there for sure."

"Hey. It's not quantity, but quality that matters." I stopped myself before I offered to wait for him in the Force, remembering just in time that he probably wouldn't appreciate it.

Obi-Wan stroked his chin thoughtfully and finally nodded in agreement. "Indeed. You were a good friend."

"So were you. And so is Qui-Gon, apparently. He was looking out for you, you know. Asked me if I'd come here to harm you. I don't think he'd have let me talk to you if he sensed any malice or ill intent from me." 

Obi-Wan smiled at this. I could tell whoever this Jedi was meant a great deal to him just by the way speaking of him made him look years younger. "Qui-Gon is my superior, my commanding officer. I suppose he is to me what I was to you. A part of me died when he was killed, but it reawakened when I felt his presence again. He fell in combat. It was an honorable death."

I tried to somehow project my feelings of respect and understanding toward Kenobi, who dipped his head briefly in acknowledgement. "I've found noble deaths are much easier to accept among the likes of us. He sounds like someone dedicated to his work and protective of those he cares about. Good qualities in a soldier."

"He was committed to the Jedi and compassionate toward all life, not just those close to him. He was not as strict about formalities as we were, but I think you'd like him if you knew him better. His heart was true and dependable, even if his methods were sometimes...dubious."

"Sounds kind of like Rex." I grinned.

Obi-Wan gave a quiet chuckle and it almost broke my heart. I almost believed we were friends again. He brushed against my mind. "Cody," he said quietly, "don't worry about the business on Utapau. Qui-Gon helped me to see that following the order was almost programmed into you. Part of my anger was because I deduced that the order was from Palpatine. So in my mind, your obedience became synonymous with betrayal of the entire Jedi Order and me in particular. I saw disloyalty where there was misinformation and ill guidance. You could not know that Palpatine was an enemy of the Jedi or the galaxy, so I cannot hold your obedience against you. Besides, your dependability on missions was crucial and very much appreciated. With an apprentice like Anakin, believe me, I mean it."

I chuckled at this. Rex sometimes worried me and while I was his superior, I was glad I didn't have to deal with him all the time. I could only imagine how Obi-Wan dealt with General Skywalker. "I suppose I should thank Qui-Gon, then. I still haven't forgiven myself for betraying you. Maybe I will when you join the Force. Then it will feel even. I can wait until you join me, if you like. Then you'll have two friends waiting."

Obi-Wan gave a small smile. "I'm told it won't be long now. I hope my death comes swiftly."

"It's the least someone could do for you. My life certainly wasn't enjoyable after Order 66. This may be presumptuous, but it doesn't look as though yours was much better. I carried on simply because I spent most of my days maintaining my training and tormenting my troops. Finally, I joined a battle and was killed. I blame part of it on age. You and I were phenomenal during the Wars. It was an honor to serve with you."

"And I carry on because I must hide from the Empire and they haven't found me yet. I do maintenance routines, too, but I certainly feel the effects of age. It will be a relief to be able to truly take a break. You were a fine colleague and a valuable and helpful member of my team. People like you helped me to retain my humanity and not get lost behind the Jedi mask."

"You might be interested to know that Boga may be alive. I say 'may' because I can't be sure. I remember what she looks like but I cannot distinguish between different individuals. But when I came near to a group of those lizards, one of them chirped and looked at me, tail swishing, as though I was somehow familiar to her."

Obi-Wan looked hopeful. "Perhaps one day, I can find transport to Utapau and see if she somehow made it back home. Thank you for telling me."

"No problem. Thank you for your compassion. You always treated us clones as individuals, and I respected you for it."

"Respect? But you are people. Living beings. You are due respect, just as every Force signature is. That is not an exceptional attitude."

"Tell that to the enlisted natural-born soldiers in the Imperial army. They saw us clones as sub-human, expendable. We Clone War veterans thought the same of them."

"What? I don't think that would have happened under Jedi leadership. Neither of you are expendable."

I shrugged. "Like I said, you were the best leader I ever had. I had once tried to emulate you, but after Order 66, I just gave up. You once said something about anger, hate, and suffering being connected. You were absolutely right. But I was past caring. I hated myself so had no heart to spare for my men."

"With that attitude, it's no surprise life was bleak for you. It seems you punished yourself more than enough for Order 66. At least now, it's behind you."

"Yes. Would you mind if I came to visit with you sometimes? Maybe I could get to know Qui-Gon as well or we three could talk together."

"That sounds wonderful. And I'm not being sarcastic."

I laughed merrily. "Shall I give Rex your regards?"

"Please do."

"May the Force be with you, General."

Obi-Wan got up and bowed formally to me, as he might to another Jedi or some important dignitary. "And with you, Commander," came his murmured reply.

I bowed to him and stood at the top of the canyon, looking down to see Obi-Wan looking up at the cliffs. He grinned and called with Boga's voice, which bounced off the walls. I saluted and smiled, though he could see neither gesture. I felt something in me mend, and I knew that whatever the future held for Kenobi, I'd be there to witness it and welcome him home.


End file.
